26 November 2007

Hangin' Tough

My Thanksgiving was mostly spent transported back to the late 80s as Lilly introduced me to New Kids on the Block: Greatest Hits - The Videos. I don't care what you think of me after my next statement but here it is: That shit is hot. NKOTB wasn't just a boy band, they were clearly the boy band. Driving down to Lilly's in preparation for time travel, I was trying to figure out who the fifth member was.

"Danny," his name was Danny.

Some observations: It's clear that Jordan Knight is a marvel -- as was his hair -- and the greatest boy band leader of all time. Joey McIntyre had a crazy voice for a twelve year old; shame puberty didn't skip over him. Donnie Wahlberg looks increasingly out of place as the years went by. Jonathan is like an 80s version of Ross -- but with no personality -- and he consistently gets the worst outfits. I was also informed that he went out with Tiffany during this time, which discredits the gay theory. Danny is simply ridiculous (not in a good way).

Seriously though, the New Kids are good. For five white guys from Boston, they can dance, as evidenced here and here -- even if it's way dated. And damn, I'd forgotten how good some of their songs were. It all came flooding back. I've been listening to their greatest hits all weekend. Insanity.

In honor of all the joy they've brought me this holiday season, here is the dream team boy band lineup. Note, the members don't have to necessarily have been in a boy band, although most of the following have.

  1. Jordan Knight
  2. Justin Timberlake
  3. (Young) Michael Jackson
  4. Chris Brown
  5. Ricky Martin
Look over that lineup. Tell me you wouldn't pay money to see these guys. There was some talk of throwing in a member of New Edition, Color Me Badd, Boyz II Men, B2K, something like that. But all potential prospects were all eliminated for various reasons.

I had originally slotted in Usher for Chris Brown's spot but Brown's a better dancer and seems more boy band material. I'd take Usher as a replacement for Michael when MJ quits halfway through the first tour, claiming plagiarism and identity theft against everyone else.

And no, I have no idea if Ricky Martin can dance but he adds to the group's multi-ethnic appeal and I assume his experience with Menudo is a plus.

That's how my weekend went, how was yours?