26 July 2013

The Art of Killing

Where were you when Magneto ripped the adamantium out of Wolverine's body? Well, more accurately, when were you? I believe I was about fifteen, right on the cusp of becoming a teenager ignored by his peers. Ah, those were good times. When Wolverine got all that metal ripped out, I felt his pain. We were spiritual brothers, sort of. I mean, many of my afternoons in class were spent wondering what it would be like if I had unbreakable claws. What/who would I slash through? How fast could I cut down a steel beam? When would my mutant powers kick in? Needless to say, puberty was a disappointment when my X-gene failed to kick in.

Wolverine isn't my favorite X-Person but if you read the comics, it's really his drama that carries the stories throughout the Nineties, so everyone is a de facto Wolverine fan. (It was a sad day when I figured out that Wolverine was splashed onto every cover and drafted to be on every super team mainly because he upped sales.) Aside from the adamantium pulling moment which seared itself into my memory, I won't ever forget how shocking it was to find out that Wolverine's claws weren't implants. That meant each time he popped them out, it hurt something awful. Or how about when Marvel revealed that his real name was "James." Heck, I know more about Wolverine's personal history than I do about most of my friends. And that's the way it should be.

Did I mention how excited I am for The Wolverine? Due to bad life choices, I haven't been able to see it yet. I know, what am I really doing at midnight on a Thursday that I can't go stand in line for my most anticipated movie of the summer? I don't know. Maybe I was at home, eating the leftover half of a roast beef sandwich and watching MTV Challenge. And washing it all down with a side of Haribo Smurfs. Whatever. Don't judge me.

In doing my pre-movie research, I found out that there's an alternate Earth version of Wolverine named James Howlett, and he's got all of Wolvie's powers, but with golden claws made of adamantine, a mystic version of adamantium. Howlett is also homosexual and loves/fights alongside Hercules. What?! Basically I need to get back into comics.

Clearly, priority one this weekend will be to watch The Wolverine. Priority 1B will be to go watch Blackfish. Blackfish is a documentary about Shamu and why orcas in captivity are a big no-no. I love Sea World but I'm pretty sure this movie will make me boycott it forever. Or maybe I'll just re-up my season pass in anticipation of the public outrage that will shut down all Sea Worlds. Gotta get in a few more moments with the Shamu family before they get freed. This super long article from 2010, "The Killer in the Pool," is a must read for any killer whale fans and all humans. Sigh, I wish a whale would eat me...

Also, Ryan Gosling's new movie, Only God Forgives, is out, so I have to see that before it quickly disappears from theaters. The film has been getting trashed and people reportedly walked out of festival screenings. Idiots. You never walk out on Gosling, ever! Here are two Grantland articles about The Gos, one about his dual movie personas and another about his many onscreen affectations. I discovered recently that I'm only two degrees removed from the person who started Feminist Ryan Gosling. I feel so much closer to him already. And if you're wondering how we can get Gosling into the movie X-Universe, the obvious answer is a spin-off starring him as Longshot. Throw in Rachel McAdams as Dazzler and Marvel can just start printing money.

Actually, McAdams isn't the right pick for Dazzler but I just want her and Ryan to get back together. An interstellar adventure is surely the first step on the path toward relationship rehabilitation. Gosling+McAdams Forever.

The other night, Amit introduced us to Heads Up!, an iPhone game from Ellen. It's basically Celebrity but the kicker is that it records your friends while they yell clues at you. If you need to laugh and have a good time, Heads Up is the answer. Plus there's a comics category that Amit and I killed together. Who is Ben Grimm, Bullseye, Norrin Radd, what!