Another Bad Creation

A friend called me up this weekend to ask if I was somehow related to a Gene Yang, author of American Born Chinese. The answer is "No" because any male cousins I have aren't on this side of the ocean, much less capable of and responsible for publishing a graphic novel about growing up Asian-American.

Gene's newest work, collected and colorized, was released in the Fall of 2006 and has since blown up big time. The comic is presented in three sections, the first of which focuses on the legend of the Monkey King. I'm a sucker for anything Monkey King related, I admit it.

I haven't fully read the entire book but the art is clean and serviceable and the moral of the story is one I'm always supportive of: "Yellow is right." Just kidding. The moral of the story is "Be Yourself." Or maybe there's no moral to the book at all; just a story.

I've seen American Born Chinese prominently featured at Borders, in the wait line aisle at Frye's Electronics, at little indie book stores, just about everywhere. It's even a finalist for the prestigious National Book Award (the first graphic novel to be awarded such an honor). Check out ABC when you get a chance, you won't regret it.

Bonus: New York Magazine presents "The Everything Guide to Chinatown".

Life is Short

Here's a little life tip that I don't think enough people take enough advantage of. For the places where you eat often, always call and order ahead. I eat out a lot so I've got every restaurant's number programmed into my phone.

Sometimes I'll be staring at a long line but I'll call in my order from the back of the line -- and then I feel like a proper genius when they take my order immediately and have it ready by the time I get up to the front.

Other life tips I couldn't do without:

Set various clocks around you to different times. The clock in my car is set twenty-four minutes ahead, my alarm seven minutes ahead, my cell phone two minutes, etc. It's amazing how often you'll forget that your clocks are off and you'll rush someplace thinking you're late but then arrive early. Works like a charm.

Double up on your toiletries and pre-pack them in your travel bag. Nothing's more annoying than forgetting your toothpaste, eye solution, or deodorant. Buy two of everything and pack it in the bag for when you're ready to go. Same thing with a cell phone charger. Never be caught with one bar again.

Keep a log of significant facts about acquaintances and likeable near-friends. That way you can refresh your memory before you see them again. Significant facts include: name, siblings, where theyr'e from, what they do, what you talked about. Then stun them with your impressive memory of your last five-minute conversation. People will like you, promise.

I Am Book, Hear Me Roar

I listened to my first audio book the other day. I stumbled upon Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code on MP3; hidden among more than 80 gigs of music I recently acquired from a friend. I know a few people who are big fans of audiobooks so I thought I'd give it a shot. I plugged earphones in at midnight and started listening.

Six and a half hours later, to my astonishment, my (very old) iPod was still running and I was almost through the book. Of course, I listened only intermittently as I drifted in and out of sleep but what I heard was compelling. Right at 7:45 am, during the climatic last scenes, my battery gave out. I almost got out of bed to plug my iPod charger in, just to get to the end -- but I barely get out of bed for work, so I didn't budge.

I think I like audiobooks, but only if I've read the book already. I get too impatient with the slow pace of the narrator and feel the need to constantly skip around. A book like Da Vinci Code can be breezed through in a few short hours on the couch; listening to the unabridged version could take a whole day. Suggested for a long road trip perhaps, but too infuriating when you want to get through a book quickly.

I do find it kind of funny to think of the narrator having to impersonate various voices. For some reason I imagined that the job of the narrator would be just that, narrating. Possibly in an omniscient semi-monotone voice. Sort of like going to a dull poetry reading. In this particular book, the narrator, Paul Michael, had to mimic American, English, French, Scottish, and female accents and voices. I found it amusing.

I'd love to see the requirement sheet for an audiobook hire. What if they suck at an English accent, can they still get the job if they're excellent at the other ones? The job of reading a book seems to be much harder than I would have originally thought.

Actually, the entire process of books on tape seems to be too difficult to warrant my effort -- ironic since audiobooks are supposed to make reading easy. Hearing the words and scenes does give the book another dimension, but not one worth my time. I guess I've lived in the word of page-to-eyes too long and can't quite comprehend when things are told to me. I'm not an audio learner or processor. For proof, ask any of my friends or my mom. I tune things out with the best of'em.

Audiobooks on MP3s is the way to go though. Having to carry and switch CDs around would be the pits. How technologically backward.

American Idle

It's Season Six of American Idol. That's astounding to me. Where was I before? While the show is endlessly copied and parodied, each season seems to get "better" than the last. It's all highly subjective of course, since it can be argued that Kelly Clarkson will be the biggest star to ever emerge from the show.

If you saw the Grammys, two Idol alumni -- Carrie Underwood and Jennifer Hudson -- took over the stage and were legit stars. Hudson has been Oscar-nominated for her role in Dreamgirls and Underwood won a Grammy on Sunday night (for Best Female Country Vocal Performance).

Kelly Clarkson won two Gramophone Awards in 2006; previous Idol winners Fantasia Barrino and Ruben Studdard were both nominated in 2004. That's a lot of Grammy nominations for past participants of American Idol. Astute Grammy viewers will also note that the audience-selected girl who sang with Justin Timberlake, Robyn Troup, also tried out for this season's American Idol -- but was cut on last night's episode.

The American Idol train just keeps on chugging along, gaining steam and getting bigger each and every year. I admittedly watched most of last season and was stunned that Taylor Hicks won over the far more talented (and bewitching) Katharine McPhee. The show just sucks you in man. Having it on as background noise eventually leads to a total inability to do anything else; I couldn't help it. I even attended an American Idol concert in San Jose a few months ago. These people can sing! You did good America. Golf claps all around.

It's like I hate the show, but I love the show. Maybe not love, but tenderly tolerate. It's a phenomenon I'd rather not be a part of, but since it's around me all the time, I have to pay attention to who makes the cut each week and then put in my two cents about whether or not they deserved it. I'm still stunned that this is Season Six. Will this thing ever stop? How long can America want to keep picking Idols? American Idol Twenty? Thirty?

I've decided that for women, American Idol is the cultural equivalent of the Super Bowl.

Leave Nobody Behind

I think there should be an add-on year of school. You go from kindergarten through high school, maybe go off to college, and then at the age of twenty five, you are required to attend one year of follow up education. During this year of follow up education, you are going to take all the classes you took before, but this time, faster and more in-depth.

It's ridiculous how much people don't know about the world around them. I often sit around and follow wikipedia to the ends of the Earth and depending on the day, I explore history, art, psychology, whatever catches my fancy. I consider myself halfway educated but if pressed for answers, I couldn't really tell you who was involved in World War I or even when it occured (1914-1918).

The only Ottoman I can reference is the chair accessory -- which is sort of funny seeing as how the empire was trampled on during World War I. Most of my geographic knowledge comes from playing lots of Risk -- or Axis and Allies -- if it's not on a Risk board, I don't know where it is.

This same sort of unknowledge applies to me (and many of my peers, I'd assume) for just about everything. What is socialism? Who was Paul Gauguin? Where is Oklahoma? What's an isoceles triangle? Who wrote "All Quiet on the Western Front?" Explain the principles of existentism. Who were our first five presidents? Spell something longer than "c-a-t." Watch something other than reality tv.

We need some educated adults. Forget adult education, people don't have the time or the money to stop in the middle of their twenties to get some general education -- but we need it. If I were president, I'd institute one year of learning for all twenty-five year olds. Math, history, foreign language, science, English, art, film, recess, physical education; let's bring it on (again)!

One of my friends was taking the substitute teacher's test and a whole bunch of us were looking over his materials. We would have failed miserably. I'd hope that as adults we'd appreciate this extra year of knowledge and become more open to actually learning and absorbing everything; because as kids, you just want to get out of school and get through the day.

As an adult, you don't want to be dumb, do you?

Talk to Her

"The truth is women love to compete with other women. Women want to win men over. They want to be chosen by a man who could have any girl he wants. No woman of caliber wants to win a man by default. She wants her man to be a prize, a good catch, someone she can be proud of.

When you tell a woman that her significant other is handsome or intelligent, she'll likely beam with self satisfaction. In complimenting her man, you've complimented her. You have told her, in so many words, that she is capable of attracting a quality mate. The women who rail against this usually have a low self esteem and thus avoid competition because they fear they'll always fail....or they're ugly. You pick."
-Violent Acres-