12 August 2007

El amor en los tiempos del internet (or) Cien anos de soledad

With my copious amounts of spare time, I've got a few projects in the works. "In the works" is synonymous with "probably won't ever happen." The first of these must-make projects will be a dating site for Asians. It's totally racist, I know, but it's potentially very lucrative. In fact, I'm afraid to look around for competitors because I'm sure they already exist. Asians like to date Asians. Like attracts like. With the semi-recent collapse of MTV World, it may be time to try K-Date, C-Date, and I-Date. Perhaps Nintendo can pick up the slack with a Wii-Date.

And if Asians don't want to be segregated from the rest of the dating community, then at least there'll be an online space for Caucasian males to gather and poach. Can you think of a better idea? Probably not. And trust me, after dating a few sexy Orientals, these guys will lose that exotic sense of mystery real fast. (Most) Asian women have serious issues, you knew that right?

The other target demographic for this site would be Asian parents. Imagine how happy they'll be to find a site where they can easily recommend each other's children. It'll give that whole "Kid Test, Mother Approve" slogan a new spin. No more discreetly but clumsily introducing your son to her daughter. Just push the "Your Mommy Thinks We Should Date" button and voila, instant communication and connection -- forever, with lots of grandchildren in the near future or your money back. It's a real shame the Internet is too much to handle for most Asian parents, otherwise I'd focus exclusively on parents' desperate needs to marry off their children. It's a burgeoning market.

Speaking of recommendations, my other big innovation for the online dating scene is user generated reviews. Think about a Match.com combined with a Yelp, with a bit of Friendster thrown in. What do you really need to know about a person in order to date them? Their favorite books, movies, hobbies? Please. Stop right there. Wouldn't it be much easier if you could just read how their past dates went?

We need accountability in online dating. Ebay has buyer feedback, why can't TrueDating.com? Catchy name isn't it? Too bad that URL is already being squatted. Anyway, the idea is solid gold. Allow people to comment on profiles of the dates they've recently been on.

Sample comments might be:
"The picture tells a thousand lies."
"Didn't offer to pay for the meal, yet went in for the good night kiss."
"Not right for me, but maybe perfect for you (if you're desperate)!"
"His mansion in the hills belongs to his parents; they still live there."
"She didn't mention the baby (and baby daddy) at home."
There will be a list of easy drop-down comments for those daters who don't have much time to dedicate to responding. We could even work in a pro membership that allows you to see the comments. Pay to see comments or take your chances with an unrated and uncommented version of the site. Mix in premium comments from ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends, plus advice from an in-house psychologist about their issues (or yours), and everybody will choose to go pro.

What would make you reach for your wallet faster than knowing that for only $49.99 a month you could use the power of peers to pre-screen your dates? Isn't this the greatest idea ever? Dating 2.0? Somebody fund me already.