Swing Kids / Seuwingkizeu (2018)

When Swing Kids dropped late last year, I recall watching the trailer and thinking "this is so my movie!" Tap dancing in a POW camp, what is this?! However I believe I was traveling right around then and totally missed it. And somehow nobody in my circle saw it and grabbed me by the collar and dragged me a theater but hey, I don't have real friends I guess.

I'd risk hyperbole and say that there was never a movie that was more made for me but right before I watched Swing Kids at SDAFF Spring Showcase, I saw another film that was literally about my (past) life. So, two movies made explicitly for me in one day? Banner stuff. Either way, the only thing to do is to immortalize the experience by adding one more to my dance movie review series.

Review spoiler: I didn't think there could be a finer dance movie than Magic Mike XXL but this movie was that great. Whereas XXL stripped out all the stuff we didn't want to see -- anything not involving dancing -- Swing Kids managed to insert dramatic tension and high stakes while maintaining the plot veracity of the actual dancing. 👏

Tagline: I don't know Korean so I'll have to settle for the American poster. That tagline was "We Want Just Dance." But the "we want" and "just dance" are separated so maybe it's "Just Dance." Either way, who cares!

1. Plot (9)
The plots of most dance movies are not that dense. Considering there’s sub-plots galore here, plus a semi-mystery, in addition to motivations for all the major side characters, this was practically the Oscar winner of dance movie plots. Oh wait, the Oscars are trash, so that is no honor.

Anyways, if you’re aiming high by combining tap dance and a POW camp, then you gotta deliver. Swing Kids delivered. I wouldn’t fast forward a single one of the non-dance scenes and it’s a 133 minute movie.

The year is 1951, the setting is Geojedo POW camp. Roh Ki-soo is the North Korean soldier who hates capitalism, traitors, and yankees but loves to dance. Jackson is a black American soldier tasked by his scene chomping commander to start a dance troupe for the benefit of journalists and wartime propaganda. What else is new? Splash a ragtag bunch of other dancers into the mix and we have a dance team.

If White Nights scored an eight in terms of plot, Swing Kids was at least a nine, and I’m only leaving room at the top for some sort of mega-complicated, multi-generational Gabriel Garcia Marquez type epic in dance form. Please tell me if this movie already exists.

2. Can the lead characters dance (10)
Um, yeah, I’d say so. Doh Kyung-Soo in a mega Korean boy band and Jared Grimes has danced for all the biggest names. Mariah and Barack. His letter to his teenage self could use a little bolstering though. I couldn’t find out the dance backgrounds of the rest of the cast but there were no weak links. In fact, every dancer deserved and got their moments of shine.

3. How’re the dance scenes? (10)
🔥👞🔥. Two new words/terms I learned while reading about Swing Kids: terpsichorean and diegetic dancing.

• Terpsichorean: of or relating to dancing
• Diegesis: the telling of a story by a narrator who summarizes events in the plot (in the case of Swing Kids, through dancing). Here are some handy links. "What’s Diegetic?" and "Dirty Dancing and Diegesis."

This dancing was the best kind of movie dancing. Most of the scenes fit into the emotionality of the characters, and you can’t just separate out the dancing from the plot. As for specific dance scenes, there were so many that I lost count. I was very pleased that Swing Kids delivered on all the correct ratios of group on group, hero vs villain, friends vs frenemies dancing setups.

There are a few individual dancing clips from the movie online but it would an injustice to watch them first in that format. Peek at the trailer but then just get on with it. Then return to the Youtubes for highlights.

Additionally, I would like to point out director Kang Hyoung-Chul’s homage to the David Bowie “Modern Love” dance sequence. Strong move.

• Trailer 1 | Trailer 2
• Dance Hall scene
• "Modern Love" scene | Frances Ha (2012) | Mauvais Sang (1986)
• Finale scene
• Behind-the-scenes

4. How’s the love story? (5)
Practically non-existent. Unless you count the fact that one character was literally dancing to get famous enough so that his possibly dead wife might hear about him, and thus they could reunite. 💦Oh, did I mention Swing Kids was set during wartime? Prepare accordingly.

There is a bit of flirting here but both the execution and pay off of the romance was extraordinary and surprisingly, quite funny. Actually, let’s me just warn you that overall this movie is extremely funny. There were other warnings given to us preceding the movie but I'm not gonna repeat them as to color your perceptions. Because this post is obviously spoiler free.

5. Rate the sidekicks (10)
You could not have asked for more winning sidekicks. And I’m not just talking about the other three dance troupe team members. There were memorable characters across the board. Heck, I even liked the asshole general a lot. Whoops.

6. Best line (8)
I can’t recall. I was enjoying the movie so much I forgot to find a favorite line. Maybe when I go rewatch it in a couple of days I’ll find one. And yes, I'm gonna go rewatch it when SDAFF screens it again next week. There was no dearth of fun dialogue in Swing Kids though. Bonus points for the numerous instances of humor as a result of purposeful false translations.

7. Music (10)
One interviewer asked Kang Hyoung-Chul this question about some of his earlier movies.

Q: It’s quite strange that you selected western songs. Were they both popular songs in Korea at the times both films were made?
A: In the 1980s in Korea, western music was very popular, so they these songs were a useful tool to recreate the atmosphere at that time.

I’d imagine that was the polite translation of what Kang Hyoung-Chul actually said. I’ll leave the actual word-by-word translation to your imagination.

Anyway, there are songs by the Beatles, Bowie, and um, other famous peoples on display. For some reason some reviews really honed in on the anachronism of the music. Okaaaaaay. You realize this wasn’t historically accurate right? This wasn’t Mad Men. Mad Men wasn’t Mad Men.

Another comment, both informative and biting, from the same review: "The only thing, do you consider all Korean music to be part of ‘millennial' kpop? Cause I’m pretty sure the korean song is from the 80s and disco more than anything else.”

Translation: “do you think we/I/us all sound the same?” Burn! Here’s an explainer, “How K-pop became a global phenomenon"

8. Fashion (6)
Gotta mostly give this one a pass since prison movies don’t usually have a wide sartorial selection. But there was some good hair and traditional Korean costumes and masks. And a lot of facial scars, if you’re into that kind of thing. Oh wait and also some, well, never mind.

9. Cultural Impact (6)
In the US market? Not great. $200,000 grossed and a paltry 67% on Rotten Tomatoes. But again, anyone who actually takes Rotten Tomatoes seriously probably only eats at "four-stars and up" Yelp restaurants as well.

I’m not exactly sure how much this movie made in its native South Korea -- ten million? -- but I can only imagine it ushered in an entire wave of tap dancing in the streets. Right? I’ll try to go to Korea next year and research. Forever 21 and tap dancing, yes please!

Broadly speaking, I assume that having Doh Kyung-Soo, otherwise known as D.O. of EXO fame, helped Swing Kids’ international success. America just ain’t ready for a group of diverse tap dancing POWs I guess. And it's not lost on me, the non-subversive subversive aspects of the film. No sir!

To America’s savaging of this movie I have only this to say: 🖕. Or 🖕🖕, I suppose.

10. Miscellaneous (7)
As soon as we got out of Swing Kids, I had to find out what else writer-director Kang Hyoung-Chul had done. Turns out he’s the director of Sunny, aka the movie I’ve recently dedicated my life to watching — the original and all the remakes.

Armed with that fact, everything clicked because the blend of humor, angst, silliness, dance battles, American pop culture references, tidy character arcs, and very serious yet humorous political settings and asides, all wrapped up in this kind of “light” movie were all previously displayed in Sunny. Now I must watch every Kang Hyoung-Chul film ever made.

Swing Kids was based on a Korean musical that was written by Jung Woo-sung, the South Korean actor and multi-hyphenate who co-starred in The Good, the Bad, the Weird. I’d recommend watching that one as well if you enjoyed Swing Kids. And well, if you didn’t enjoy Swing Kids I guess you’re a colonizing bastard and this movie wasn’t made for you anyway.

FINAL VERDICT (86/100)
I’m surprised this wasn’t a clean 💯 since I left the theater asking myself “was that the best dance movie ever made?” All of Swing Kids' dings — in a scoring system not really designed for it — are not exactly applicable categories. But I’ll buffer in some room since I’m a renowned overhyper but there’s not one thing I would change about this film. Eh, except maybe the name, if only to distance itself from the Christian Bale Swing Kids, which I also liked but that was child me. Seuwingkizeu was made for adult me and it’s a must-see.

No, that's not a strong enough recommendation. I fucking loved every second of Swing Kids and I won't be shutting up about it for awhile. There. Let's (dance) battle.

In the Mix

Currently pushing: Oprah’s Legends Ball. Apparently back in 2005 Oprah threw a three day celebration honoring twenty-five African American women who have done some stuff. Just watch this clip of the gospel brunch, and be stunned by everyone in it. Patti, Dionne, Tina, Diana, Gladys, Chaka, Janet, Mariah, Naomi, Halle, Mary J, Tyra, Alicia, uh, Ashanti. Basically everyone. (Notable no-shows or uninvited included Whitney, Aretha, Toni, Lauryn, Vanessa, Beyonce.) The best part, I found this via a tweet and the one post Tumblr it was shared on was called "trumptaxreturns2005.tumblr.com.”

So I left the comfy confines of home a few weeks ago to attend a friend’s wedding up in the Bay. While I was there, I not only experienced the magic of the Impossible Burger and rewatched Logan, but also got to go to my friend Jasmine’s first Bhangra in the Bay class. I mince no words in saying that Jasmine is the greatest bhangra dancer of all time and she’s now teaching a class in Oakland — along with her co-instructor, Chetty. Our videographer friend brought all this fancy gear to make an intro video and I got to help, meaning I stood around and manned the camera’s remote control while Victor did all the (literal and figurative) heavy lifting. Needless to say, the video came out great and if you’re looking for a workout, bhangra fusion is the way to go. Also, I went deep into the world do bhangra forums and YouTubes, and now consider myself an amateur expert.

And while I’m on a dance theme, I’ve been following this Taiwanese hip hop dancer, Nike Chen — and her three person crew called MoveOn Dance Taiwan. I’m a little surprised I’ve never seen her before, considering Taiwan’s small dance scene. However, I listened to her short TED Talk and am intrigued by how she talks about being inspired by the hip hop ethos in Taiwan. One of the first things I did upon moving to Taiwan was to explore the world of hip hop and dance, as it wasn’t something I was expecting to find there. The number of students and people practicing under freeway underpasses, next to Chiang Kai-shek Memorial around sunset, and other wide open spaces would astonish you. Also, I attended an all-female dance show once that had literally twenty-plus acts. I haven't even seen that in the U.S., so it's safe the say the dance scene is thriving there.

I found Nike’s stuff through her work on Dizzy Dizzo’s music video, "Radar" (choreo video). Dizzy's another Taiwanese artist I’m pretty intrigued by. She swings between styles pretty comfortably, from vintage J.Lo to  acoustic to Iggy Azalea-like, but most of all I like her song “Stray Love,” which has production that is very Drive-esque, a sound I haven’t heard before in Taiwanese pop.

Dizzy (real name Dominique) is an Australian Born Taiwanese married to actor Sunny Wang, and he appears in a lot of her videos. Also, Dizzy’s videos certainly have an aesthetic that sticks out prominently from her Taiwanese contemporaries. Overall, I think she represents an interesting mix of what’s current but also throws in her own flair and influences. Special stuff.

And lastly, here's friend and my former dance class instructor Clio dancing in Ty's "美 國." Awhile ago Clio told me that there exists a documentary on Taiwan's burgeoning rap scene from twenty years ago. For the life of me I can't find this film but I would love to see it. Or to make a new one, but on dance instead.

Magic Mike XXL (2015)

Okay, so the first Magic Mike wasn’t technically a dance movie since it was Steven Soderbergh’s attempt to make a semi-serious film about male strippers. For the sequel, Soderbergh is just exec producing and XXL has totally turned into a dance movie! I mean, SYTYCD and Step Up alum Twitch is in this thing! That's when you know it's official.

A little backstory on my history with Magic Mike. I (mistakenly) made like half a dozen friends go watch it with me on opening night in 2012, leveraging Soderbergh's auteur credentials and the pull of Channing Tatum. Unfortunately, the movie wasn’t very good. I mean, I loved it, and Matthew McConaughey was amazing, but Magic Mike wasn’t say, The Wrestler. It tried to sort of be dark and have human emotions but really, Magic Mike ended up squarely in the “pretty awful but fun” camp.

This time out, XXL has embraced its inner campiness, turned the focus on pure entertainment, and tossed aside all previous pretentiousness and given us a movie that is just fun, fun, fun. Spoiler alert: This movie is gonna rank really high on my dance movie scoring scale, like frighteningly high. Like maybe the best one ever high. Beware.

Tagline: “Back to the grind.” Someone should receive an award for this tagline. Absolute perfection.

1. Plot (6)
Magic Mike, aka Channing Tatum, left stripping behind at the end of the first movie to pursue his custom furniture business and home life with a steady girlfriend. Like he says in XXL, he was ready for that Downton Abbey life. Instead, with a broken heart and a head of shattered dreams, he’s ready to join his friends, the former Kings of Tampa, when they come calling for “one last ride."

While this isn’t exactly an original premise, there are two or three set pieces along the way, as the boys road trip toward a stripper convention, that makes XXL a cut above the rest. Also, as my fellow moviegoer pointed out, there’s no “oh shit, everything is going wrong” downturn in the story. XXL is simply a joy ride all the way through with no lame speed bumps to slow things down.

2. Can the lead characters dance (10)
There was a time where I would get into arguments about whether Channing Tatum could dance or not. My take is that while he’s pretty good, he definitely wasn’t amazing or anything in the first Step Up. Of course, as hindsight always proves, I’m an idiot and of course Channing Tatum is a great dancer. And when he’s stripper dancing, like wow. Off the charts. If you thought Magic Mike had some fantastic dancing, XXL will take it to the next level.

And while Tatum is clearly the star of the show, this time out, four of his buddies get a nice amount of screen time too. Joe Manganiello, Adam Rodriguez, Matt Bomer, and Kevin Nash aren’t on Tatum’s level but they can definitely get the job done dance wise. So yeah, get your dollar bills ready.

3. How’re the dance scenes? (10)
I’ll just leave a big fat "10" up there and let you watch this movie for yourself to witness the dance stuff. Suffice to say, there’s something for everyone. There’s sexy dance scenes, fun dance scenes, hilarious dance scenes, acrobatic dance scenes, “OMG what is happening” dance scenes, and genuinely holy shit dance scenes — the end one with Twitch and Tatum doing mirrored choreography was quite impressive.

Plus, there’s a Backstreet Boys scene by Manganiello that may have been my favorite of the movie. Yeah, just go watch XXL already. I guess you could take a peek at the trailer if you're still not convinced.

4. How’s the love story? (6)
Short, painless, and mostly non-existent! Simply subtracting the awful Cody Horn from Magic Mike was an instant improvement. Sure, Amber Heard is nominally around to be the love interest — and she’s okay doing a blonde Kristin Stewart impression — but this movie isn’t about heteronormative relationships.

Instead, the relationships that XXL focuses are the bromances between Channing and his boys. You get the feeling that everyone really missed each other during Mike’s time away and while there may be some hurt feelings, the guys actually talk them out. And at one point Channing even gets his cell phone tossed out the window because his friends want him to focus and "be present," to bond during their last weekend together. Sweet stuff! And deserving of a higher than average grade.

5. Rate the sidekicks (10)
Technically speaking, each of the other Kings of Tampa are Magic Mike’s sidekicks but the movie goes out of its way to imbue each of them with a personality or backstory, unlike the first movie. And as it turns out, that depth makes for a much funnier and enjoyable movie. They're co-stars this time around, and not just window dressing. So let’s set aside the idea that Big Dick Richie, Tito, Ken, and Tarzan are sidekicks so we can focus on the amazing cameos in XXL.

Seriously, what a cameo list. Let’s start up top with Jada Pinkett Smith, who was just amazing in her role as Rome, proprietor of a Savannah's best-kept secert and eventually the guys’ MC. Jada is great in this movie, like G-R-E-A-T. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Housed within Rome’s house of pleasure are Donald Glover, Twitch, and I swear it’s true, former NFL superstar and Hall of Famer Michael Strahan. I was like, “Wait, is that seriously Michael Strahan? No!” Also, apparently Ric Flair made a cameo? But I didn’t see him. Maybe on the rewatch…

On top of that, Andie MacDowell, sweet sweet Andie MacDowell is in this movie. And she’s perfect. In fact, every cast member in this movie is perfect actually. Unlike, you know, the disaster that was Cody Horn and Alex Pettyfer in the original. Speaking of Pettyfer, his career went down the tubes pretty fast eh?

6. Best line (7)
There’s a lot of conversations in the movie, and a lot of lines directed squarely at the movie’s prime demographic: thirsty women! Especially those raised on a diet of late Nineties era boy bands, Disney movie references, and say, young adult book/movie phenomenons. Not to mention that little Fifty Shades of Grey thing. Whoever wrote XXL definitely knew what to serve up to its audience in wink wink asides and references.

I can’t even remember most of the good lines (“We’re like healers or something…”) but the best one was definitely when Tatum is introducing himself to Heard’s character. “Nice to meet you. [I'm] Magic…*twirls*…Magic Mike.” So good! Just watch it. Also, the guys perform as "Resurrection," which is kind of a good name for a boy band. Plus there's five main characters, and they're from Florida...aha! I see what you did there you clever script geniuses.

7. Music (8)
Of course there was “Pony,” just like there had to be. But then there were the D’Angelo and Bruno Mars covers, by Matt Bomer and Donald Glover respectively. Also: Bomer can sing man, he does an acapella cover of Bryan Adam’s “Heaven.” Bryan Adams in a stripper movie, who would have thought?

Throw in some Jodeci, some R.Kelly and 112, and the soundtrack was definitely headed toward the top of the charts. The clincher for me was Glass Animal’s “Gooey” over the closing credits. “Gooey” is great and totally unexpected and well, it’s just high scores all around. Am I gushing, can you see it on my face?

8. Fashion (5)
I mean, most of the characters are in (very temporary) tank tops and half-naked for most of the movie so there’s not much fashion to discuss. Amber Heard’s character had her troubled hippie/hipster look down, but nothing else really stood out.

Oh wait, there’s the costumes that the guys put on to perform. After throwing out all their old getups, there's a “putting it all together” montage that involves lots of cutting and snipping as the guys make their new outfits. Tarzan even shows off his glitter skills. It was all very arts and crafts. Hello glitter! Plus, shout out to body oil, which definitely had its own line item in the budget.

9. Cultural Impact (8)
XXL isn’t just mere throwaway entertainment either. A movie centered around a couple of dicks is getting the feminist Mad Max: Fury Road once-over and it mostly fits. "This time the movie explores more about male/female gender identity and dynamics, suggesting that the strippers, whose bodies are sexually objectified the way actresses often are in cinema, can not only shamelessly impersonate women but give them what they really want: attention and pleasure.” Click on for the think pieces:

• Molly Lambert, "The Hollywood Men: Magic Mike XXL, Masculinity, and the Real World of Male Strippers"
• Roxane Gay, "I Wanted to Hug Every Part of Him With My Mouth: A Magic Mike XXL Recap”
• How to prepare yourself for the ludicrously entertaining Magic Mike XXL
• Why Magic Mike XXL Is Still a Soderbergh Movie: Review and Roundup
• Grantland: No Diggling: Charting Mark Wahlberg’s Transformation From Crotch-Centric Underwear Model to Sexless Movie Star

10. Miscellaneous (8)
Well, we can hope XXL eclipses all box office records but it’s been contending with Jurassic World and Inside Out so it won't ever likely hit #1 at the box office, like it so obviously deserves. Seriously, this was one of the most enjoyable movies of the year so far -- not even grading on a dance movie curve -- and I won’t be shutting up about it for at least a month.

After all, XXL was about fulfilling fantasies and chasing dreams. When revamping their routines, each of the main characters do so with their personal ambitions/interests in mind. For example, Big Dick Richie is a man afraid of fire who has been doing a fireman routine for years. What he ends up choreographing is far more in tune with his inner self. The XXL lesson is that if you put your passion into your work, you’ll have a greater chance to succeed. Or something like that. There are a lot of quasi-deep moments in XXL, like seriously.

Also, if you've made it this far into the review, then you clearly are interested in Chocolate City, aka the black Magic Mike. Chocolate City has Ginuwine and Tyson Beckford in it. (Tyson Beckford, where you been!?!) After Chocolate City will surely come the Asian, Hispanic, etc. versions of Magic Mike right? #weneeddiversity

FINAL VERDICT (78/100)
Yup, just like I suspected, Magic Mike XXL topped the charts for my dance movie series, narrowly edging out Centerstage by one point. It also tied Centerstage's record for three perfect category scores. What else can I say really? This is a good ass movie, and guaranteed to be a fun time simply for its ridiculousness.

While you go buy tickets for XXL, I'm gonna go work on my body roll because seriously, you cannot get anywhere in life without a decent body roll, right?

Step Up All In (2014)

Here we go, the much anticipated fifth Step Up, one that features the return of previous Step Up stars, albeit minus Channing Tatum. Would it really kill Magic Mike to come do a cameo for one of these? Bring along Jenna too! Anyway, this is my second mega-dance review this year, I’m on a roll!

Tagline: “Every step has led to this."

1. Plot (4)
Sean, from 2012’s Step Up Revolution, is now in Los Angeles along with the rest of his crew, The Mob. The money they won has long since evaporated -- it’s a miracle 50k lasted this long divided by at least a dozen people - and it’s a constant deflating series of commercial auditions and unpaid bills. When everyone else decides to return to Miami, Sean decides to stick it out. He soon convinces Moose to help him assemble another crew, the horrifically named LMNTRIX, to compete in The Vortex, which features a grand prize of a three year gig in Vegas. Sure, this movie hits all the same story beats as before, but I appreciated how this was the Step Up where everyone had to grow up. I mean, Moose has a regular job now, and we get a peek into how hard it is to make it as a dancer, even if you’re talented. They could have titled this Step Up: Reality Bites!

2. Can the lead characters dance (5)
During my Step Up Revolution review, I said: “as for Ryan Guzman, he's probably the best male lead dancer of the entire series.” I don’t know what I was thinking because in this one he’s horrible. Okay, that may be overstating it, but I had to check again to see if this was the same person. None of the leads exhibited great dancing actually. Step Up 2’s Briana Evigan is more serviceable than jaw dropping, and Moose’s solo is pretty bad too. I’ll just go ahead and give this category a low grade because Guzman, Evigan, and Adam Sevani were all pretty sub-par.

Sevani has improved over the series, but he's not good in this one. Technically, all three leads can dance, but you wouldn't know it from watching this installment. Bonus: Here is Moose with his film girlfriend, Alyson Stoner, in a tribute to "Thriller."

3. How’re the dance scenes? (3)
In fact, Step Up All In has the worst dance scenes from any of the previous installments. There wasn’t one "wow" segment to be had, excepting maybe the end routines. A new choreographer needs to be hired or something because the dance stuff is getting staid. Enough with the same moves over and over, with a breakdancer here or there. I wish the Step Ups would incorporate more types of dancing, especially house, which is something that is much more current and interesting.

The good thing is that director Trish Sie -- she did the music videos for OK Go -- kept her camera wide and the cuts minimal. Most of the time, dance movies cut so quickly and pull in so close that you can’t really see the dancing. Sie gives us nice clean looks at everything, it’s just unfortunate the routines are no good.

What the dance scenes do have is plenty of impressive sets. Each dance segment is backgrounded by ever more elaborate themes. From a boxing ring, to a mad scientist’s lab, to an impressive stage for the finale. The sets turned out to be the eye candy I focused on, because the dancing was so bad.

4. How’s the love story? (3)
Like you had to ask. Sean and Andie are fated to fall in love from scene one, but their chemistry is pretty non-existent. There’s a bit of Cutting Edge in there, as Sean pushes Andie to do a big move that she doesn’t feel confident in -- her injured knee holds her back -- but that’s not anything to get emotionally invested in. In Andie and Sean’s defense, they do have a cute scene at an amusement park, when they do a flirt duet to “Every Little Step.” Of course, Sean has to tell the audience, "Hey, it's Bobby Brown" since most people watching Step Up probably don't know that. Bonus point for the robot love between Madd Chadd and a popper girl.

5. Rate the sidekicks (6)
The crew is back! The Santiago Twins, Mari Koda with her fake accent, Twitch, Madd Chadd, etc. Alyson Stoner as Moose’s girlfriend also returns, and I was glad to see that they were still together (they still don't let her dance though). None of the other leads are still dating, right?

The newest addition to the cast, Michelle Pfeifer-lookalike Izabella Miko plays Alexxa Brava, the host of The Verge. She channels Effie from Hunger Games, and her outfits were outstanding/outrageous. But more on that later. Overall, it was nice to see familiar faces and to know that these hard working dancers are still getting some of that movie money.

6. Best line (4)
There was an obvious attempt to throw in some zingers. I appreciate that. My favorite was when Sean’s former BFF asks him if LMNTRIX is his new crew. Sean’s answer? “Well, it ain’t my book club!” Hahaha! Okay, not hilarious? Well, it got me. I also enjoyed it when Sean attempted to put down a rival by saying “Nice necklace, you get that at Claire’s?” I just like it when Claire’s is referenced in anything. Extra points.

7. Music (8)
Here we go, a dance movie that actually had some good songs. I’ve already talked about the “Every Little Step” usage, and there was also a bit of Gangsta’s Paradise -- perpetually overused but just a snippet here was welcome. More impressive was the use of Little Dragon (“Twice”), Diplo (“Revolution"), and various Steve Aoki. I even found myself Shazaming during the movie because I wanted to know what the Little Dragon track was for my own playlists.

8. Fashion (10)
Step Up 3 had a serious jones for sneakers, which earned it high marks, but All In tops those scores. Someone in wardrobe figured out that you can just clothe everyone in the latest fast fashion and it works. Let’s start with Moose -- Sevani has been working out, as he looks much buffer -- who still sports an arrays of hoodies but gets to wear Lacoste polos now, and added accessories like a wallet chain. Baby steps here. Maybe for the next film he’ll trim his curls...

Everyone else wore basic but believable outfits that worked well together. Professional dancers want to stay comfortable and that’s exactly how the fashion came across. I even liked all the outfits they competed in, which included simple stripes, tie, and suspenders combo and a varsity jackets look. Their steampunk inspired outfits at the end was fantastic too. The only misstep was that the character named “Hair” had absolutely the worst hair. We should also take some time out to talk about Briana Evigan’s midriff, which was on prominent display. Literally every piece she wore featured her exposed midriff. We get it, you have a nice tummy, put some more clothes on.

All of that gets you high grades, but not a ten. That extra push for perfection was accomplished by Alexxa Brava, who had all sorts of eye popping costumes. Among many things, she came out as a zebra, a Twenties vamp, and finally an Ursula-inspired blue dress that featured armored scales and tentacles. Just wonderful. I want more Alexxa in the Step Up franchise, please make it happen.

9. Cultural Impact (6)
Can you believe Step Up has been chugging along since 2006? I feared that Step Up Revolution signaled the last of the line, but now I’m thinking this just goes on and on forever. If we can have seven Fast and the Furious, why can’t we just keep churning out Step Ups? The domestic gross for All In is just 13.7 million so far -- on a budget that’s probably around thirty five million -- but the worldwide box office is at a healthy 67 million. While both numbers represent a steep drop from previous installments, the Step Up brand is clearly still profitable. While pop culture is oversaturated with dance shows and movies, I think it’s important that we make it to at least a decade of Step Ups. I think it’s time for a serious reboot however. Time to dump these “all stars,” and bring in some fresh blood. Or go Christopher Guest and make a mockumentary, perhaps starring Corky St. Clair?

10. Miscellaneous (2)
This interview with series producer Adam Shankman, "The Enduring Power Of Step Up, Where Every Problem Can Be Solved By A Dance Off," touches on why the Step Up leads have always been white, why there hasn't been any LGBT representation, and why he thinks the movies keep getting made. In answer to that last part: "I think it’s because, above everything else, these movies are a celebration of underdog triumph and dance. And as long as people keep wanting to see dance, we can keep generating these conversations in the world.” Bravo! Also he drops in a "Sturm und Drang” reference I had to look up. Take a look at this article too, "In Defense of the Step Up Movies." Join the movement.

FINAL VERDICT (53/100)
Step Up All In's dancing kind of sucked. The leads were bad, the dance stuff was boring, and well, what else is there? Intriguingly, All In answers that question by giving us superior sets, fashion, and music, to make up for the yawn worthy dance numbers. Overall, a score of 52 still put Step Up All In above my last three reviewed movies (Street Dance 2, Battle of the Year, Step Up Revolution).There’s an easy fix for future Step Ups: Get better choreographers who have some new ideas and then the franchise can rise again.

Dance or Die

Listening to: Tank, “You’re My Star.” We spent some of the weekend trying to learn the choreo for the MJ Slide, clearly the best line dance ever. Please practice so we can do this at weddings. As I've discovered, I can’t bounce and do footwork at the same time -- plus this move is impossible for me, it's just never going to happen. Sigh. Anyway, here’s an easier video of the MJ Slide to learn from.

Just got back from Daybreaker, an early morning dance party serving juices and coffee instead of alcohol. I’d been trying to go in New York but couldn’t find anyone to attend with me. Fortunately, folks in San Francisco are morning people so off we went! The idea behind Daybreaker is that you head into work energized and alert, and I’m sure for those with normal jobs, it’s totally worth the early wake up call. I, of course, am heading straight back to bed.

• At Daybreaker's early morning parties, revelers greet the day with dancing, not drinking
• Why San Francisco techies are getting in on the morning (sober) dance party trend

Actually, maybe I’ll stay up just a bit longer. I mean, I’ve practically become a morning person out here, and last week I even rolled out of bed before ten once. For a walking tour of the Tenderloin no less. Del Seymour leads people through the TL, showing them parts of the neighborhood that are often overlooked. Generally I’m trying to stay out of the TL as much as possible, but the two hour tour through St. Anthony’s facilities, the Glide Foundation’s various buildings, and St. Boniface Church where the homeless sleep in pews by day were all very interesting -- even if the experience felt pretty voyeuristic. Del also pointed out painted markings on the sidewalks, which is a "yellow brick road" for children to stay on, one manned by volunteers and serving as safe passage for kids to and from school. Overall, I’d recommend the tour for anyone looking for a different take on San Francisco’s “Fortress Against Gentrification.”

• Tour guide showcases Tenderloin's darker sides and its artistic highs (2013)
• SF Gate: Touring the Tenderloin (2012)
• Video: Touring the Tenderloin
• Arise, Tenderloin (2013)

Speaking of churches, we went to the Church of 8 Wheels last week, for a little weeknight roller skating. As you (probably don’t) know, I love me some roller skating. Lilly and I used to go every Tuesday in San Diego, until that rink closed down. Even though I can’t do anything fancy, just gliding around and around is thrill enough. At 8 Wheels, we even got to go clockwise, which is something I’d never done before. For some reason, all the roller skating places I’d ever been to only let us go counter-clockwise -- unless you went backwards during specifically designated laps. Turns out going clockwise doesn't change your life, even though I was sure it would. Another dream shattered I guess.

• Secretly Awesome: Roller Skating in an Abandoned Church (2013)
• Shake Your Groove Thing: Q&A with the GodFather of Skate (2014)

And let’s talk about the basketball game I got to play in. My friend needed an extra for his league game last week, and I was more than willing. Organized basketball! Something I haven’t done since college, which basically means I haven’t done it at all. I have this rule that things you haven’t done in a decade should be expunged from your skills/life list. Like George and I used to ride horses in middle school but since that was almost twenty years ago, we can’t really claim that we know how to ride anymore. Unfortunately this rule negates a lot of things…

Anyway, I was the sixth man and it was twenty-three minute halves so it was pretty grueling. Usually when I play pickup I’m loafing around and trying to not get hurt, but when you play in a league game, you gotta go all out. "Run, run, run!" Our game ended in a tie, despite my best efforts to will the ball in from the bench. Next time I'll cheer harder.

Street Dance 2 (2012)

How could I have missed the fact that Street Dance had a sequel?! While the original wasn’t particularly memorable, it did great overseas and was also “the first entirely British 3D film,” giving it high marks for technological achievement. This time around, I didn’t see Street Dance 2 in 3D but I doubt I missed that much. Here here we go with the tenth installment of my dance movie review series.

Tagline: “Twice the Moves. Twice the Passion.” Other taglines seen on posters basically played off the “Twice As _____” formula. Insert any adjective basically: hot, flawless, smart, lethal, crazy, sharp, sassy. I don’t rate taglines but these have to be the worst ones. Watch Street Dance 2's trailer.

1. Plot (2)
The original Street Dance had a very derivative plot and it racked up the lowest plot score in my series. The bad news is that the sequel’s story is even more yawn worthy. Our main hero, Ash, is in attendance at a dance battle slinging popcorn and snacks when he decides to step on stage and challenge the leader of Invincible crew. In a brilliant plot twist, Ash flops big time -- setting up his character motivation -- but still manages to catch the attention of a wannabe team manager, Eddie. The two of them set off to recruit a dance crew capable of taking down Invincible. Along the way Ash finds / falls for a girl, has to overcome performance anxiety, and you know, blah blah blah. “Predictable” would be too positive a word here. The only part of Street Dance 2 that could be called "innovative" was the hip hop plus Latin dance angle. Not exactly pioneering but it'll do.

2. Can the lead characters dance? (8)
Well, if you extend the definition of “lead” character to both Ash and his love interest, Eva, then yes, they can dance. The problem with a lot of these dance movies is that the male leads are invariably white and well, that comes with baggage. As any veteran of craptastic dance movies know, there’s an inverse correlation between acting and dancing ability, and when you throw acceptable movie lead looks into the mix, it’s a mess. (Unless you are Channing Tatum, who arguably has it all. Arguably.) German actor Falk Hentschel can dance, sure -- he’s danced backup for Mariah and Britney -- but he’s outclassed here by nearly everybody else on-screen. It’s not directly his fault, but all of his co-stars are better dancers.

For example, Algerian-French actress Sofia Boutella, who plays Eva, is a far better dancer. In the movie she’s tasked with mostly doing Latin stuff but her background is in hip hop and street dance. Her Wikipedia says that she was part of a group that won a Hip Hop World Championships. Fun tidbit: Boutella, aka Idina Menzel-lite, has been a longtime face for Nike Women.

3. How’re the dance scenes? (7)
For sheer volume, Street Dance 2 probably wins for number of dance scenes. I usually make a list of individual dance scenes but for this film I stopped after reaching double digits. The “collect the crew” montage was super fun, a hypnotic salsa in a boxing ring scene was fresh and new, and a pillow fight turned dance party was creative. Plus there was an homage to Jackie Chan's drunken master style in one of the battles. In addition, there were lots of dance scenes set in front of absolutely beautiful backgrounds. (I’ll touch on Street Dance 2’s cinematography later, but the look of the movie was definitely a plus.) Ash's competitive ace in the hole tactic was to blend street dance with Latin dance, and those were the scenes that mostly popped with energy.

Unfortunately, after awhile the dance stuff started blending together and nothing really gave me the hair raising experience I typically look for. No "oh shit!" moments. Well, that’s probably selling the dance stuff short. The salsa battles were pretty cool, especially when it was Ash’s crew versus Team Salsa -- my pick for best dance scene in the movie. And then there was a warm up battle against another crew, The Surge, that was pretty thrilling. Overall, Street Dance 2 packed in enough to get a good score for quantity over quality.

• Intro | Salsa battle | Salsa vs Street | So Sad Forever | Vs. The Surge | Finale | Latin performance

4. How’s the love story? (2)
Super lame. We don’t expect much out of the romantic portion of these dance movies but this one committed the cardinal sin of not only being bad, but also lengthy. There was way too much time spent on Ash and Eva’s relationship, and it was clear the two actors had no chemistry with each other. Even blindfold tango couldn’t give this relationship any fire.

5. Rate the sidekicks (7)
The Ocean’s Eleven style open got me psyched for all of the sidekick characters as Ash and Eddie literally criss-crossed Europe collecting their dancers. I don't know how they funded their airfare but the All-Star list goes: Steph (Copenhagen), Tino (Ibiza), Skorpion (Swiss Alps), Bam-Bam (Amsterdam), Killa & Junior (Berlin), Terrabyte (Prague), Ali (Lyon), Yoyo & Legend (Rome). Each of the sidekick dancers seemed pretty awesome too, and the heavily tattooed Bam-Bam was a straight Amy Winehouse lookalike. And hello diversity with two and a half Asians and a guy who literally wore a T-shirt that said, “I’m Muslim, Don’t Panic." #weneeddiversity

Unfortunately, the sidekicks rarely got any time to shine. Forget anyone as fun/annoying as Step Up's Moose in this film. I don’t think the sidekicks got more than three lines combined. I don't know if there was a language barrier or something but literally nobody else got to talk much. It would have been awesome to see more individual dances since the montage was so good. As it stands, the semi-high score for this category is due to Googling post-movie for these European dancers, all of whom weren’t familiar to me Stateside.

6. Best line (2)
If you are into cheesy lines, this movie has got them. And that’s taking into account the quality of dialogue for all these other dance movies. The best line is arguably: "Dancing with a partner is about sharing the moment,” said by Eva’s old French uncle, Manu. There’s also lots of hokum like “People think tango is only about sex…but it’s really about channeling your passion.” Ah yeah, okay...

7. Music (2)
Well this category is a major bust. I realized about three-fourths of the way into the movie that most of the dance scenes weren’t memorable because the music wasn’t good. Either the scenes were set to generic-y dance and rock beats, or the music just wasn’t very good. In fact, when they started off the finale with a fast remix of “We Will Rock You,” I was soooo out. If they hadn’t used the classic and always sampled “Apache” for the opening, this score would have been even lower.

8. Fashion (9)
Here we go, this is where Street Dance 2 stood out. Much like its predecessor, Street Dance 2 came strong with the clothing. Every sidekick had a unique style (again we cite Bam-Bam, but also give a shout out to all of Steph’s outfits), some of the hairstyles were great, all of Eva's bondage and string outfits were ridiculous, and the entire cast could have easily leapt off the page of a fast fashion catalogue. In short, great looks all around! I’m docking a point because Invincible and The Surge’s outfits were very boring and lame. Oh, and the final competition outfits for Ash’s crew were so stupid it burned my soul.

9. Cultural Impact (3)
Well, I’d go ahead and say "none" but apparently Street Dance 2 "caused significant outrage among Algerians living in both France and Algeria due to their compatriot Sofia Boutella's appearance in scenes that are excessively risqué by Algerian standards.” When a dance film touches a nerve and inspires boycotts, that’s gotta count as impactful right?

Overall, Street Dance 2 didn’t make nearly the same amount of money as the first film but somehow still spawned a follow up that came out in 2013: Street Dance: All Stars. I can’t really tell if All Stars was a legit movie or a parody but it sure looks like the latter. It’s safe to say that the Street Dance series is probably dead.

10. Miscellaneous (8)
First off, George Sampson aka Eddie, won Britain's Got Talent at the tender age of fourteen. So I guess he’s famous over in the United Kingdom. Everyone else, no idea! The high score for miscellaneous is almost entirely given out because Street Dance 2 had some epic backgrounds. The overall production scored high marks and there was every effort made to fit in as many European landmarks as possible. In addition, there were some gorgeous shots such as Ash and Eva romancing in front of the Eiffel Tower, light filtering in through stained glass windows as they practiced, the whole bit. Street Dance 2 is a contender for best looking dance movie ever.

Also, the last competition is held in a giant stadium that seems to have like 5,000 people in attendance. I feel like it’s all extras but maybe it was just CGI. In any case, most dance movies have just a few hundred people for their crowd shots but Street Dance 2 seems to have thrown most of their budget into locations and extras. I would have spent a few more dollars on better writers for the script, but hey, I’m not a movie producer.

FINAL VERDICT (50/100)
Well, this is a strange beast of a dance movie. While it’s packed with a ton of dance scenes and some very talented dancers, it’s also bogged down by way too much romance. In addition, the lead actor was not compelling and the plot was so tepid that I wish the whole thing had gone for satire or parody just to inject some fun into the film. Still, there are a few winning points here: the wide angle shots of European cities, the dance bits with the sidekicks, and the on trend clothing. All of this combined to make a dance film that ranked somewhere between the original Street Dance and Step Up Revolution. Basically ho hum and for completists only.

Battle of the Year (2013)

This one was a huge moral dilemma. The trailer looked fantastic but the presence of Chris Brown was such a turn off. In the end, I thought it was my duty as see Battle of the Year so you didn't have to. I mean, it's got a 5% rating on Rotten Tomatoes right now. Plus I haven't done one of my epic dance reviews in awhile so I thought I'd better get on it. Fact before I get into the review, Benson Lee, the director of the amazing documentary Planet B-Boy, was behind this effort. This is very relevant, you'll see why.

Tagline: The World Is Watching

1. Plot (5)
A hip hop mogul in the style of Sean Combs has heard kids say that breakdancing wasn't cool anymore. The Koreans have taken over, the French and Germans dominate. America is a joke. "Our kids were the best, but now we gotta do something extreme to get back on top." So, Puffy aka Dante sets off to recruit his old b-boy partner, Jason "Wonder Break" Blake -- played by Josh Holloway -- to coach an American team into Battle of the Year, the Olympics of b-boying. Ultimately Dante is trying to keep hip hop relevant and cool, but really he just wants to America to reclaim something they created.  U-S-A! U-S-A!

Compared to the normal dance movie, this is a step up from the usual plot. Compared to the average sports movie, this is straight cliche. I'll be upfront right now, Battle of the Year is not going to grade out well under my rankings because it's not really a dance movie at all. It's a sports film in the mold of Bad News Bears, Major League, and Mighty Ducks. Not to say that it's a comparable movie to those classics but the story follows the coach trying to bring his ragtag group of nobodies together, so in that alone, it's an outlier for my dance series.

2. Can the lead characters dance? (10)
Since the lead character is the coach, there's really not much dancing Josh Holloway does. There isn't even a scene where he breaks it down for two seconds, despite being a b-boy back in the day. That seems like a shame. Even Step Up 3, which features a male lead who also hardly dances, had Rick Malambri dance a little bit.

So in lieu of that, we have to look at Chris Brown as the star of the show. Yes, I know, Chris Brown... But Battle of the Year looked too good to pass up. And I movie hopped this thing so no proceeds will go to his coffers. And to be fair, Chris Brown is an excellent dancer. And he's by far the biggest name on the cast. It's unfortunate, but Chris Brown really can dance. I was impressed with his moves and how much he was able to do. B-boying is not easy and apparently Mr. Brown is just as talented at that as he is at *insert something awful and negative.*

Almost all of the other dancers are world class b-boys. If you follow America's Best Dance Crew, LXD, any of that stuff, you'll recognize the dancers. D-Trix, Do Knock, Flipz, Anis, etc. The other dancers are all pretty good, even though I can't determine if their movie names -- Sniper, Lil Adonis, Bambino, Mayhem, Abbstar, Gillatine -- are fake or real. Regardless, there's no question these guys can dance. If anything, they were recruited purely for their dancing skills, as just about everyone is horrible at the acting part of their roles. Luckily for the purpose of this review, that's practically a bonus.

3. How're the dance scenes? (7)
There's plenty of dance scenes, and they are all technically very good. However, very few of them stood out. Part of the issue is that too many breaking scenes started to all blend together. There's a few nice competition scenes, a smattering of tryout stuff, a lot of practice bits, but most of the dance scenes featured similar moves and the way Benson Lee chose to present them -- sometimes in triple split screens -- made the dance stuff fall into the background.

The one dance sequence that did give me chills was when the Americans had their final battle. That was expertly presented and it was awesome to see what the dancers were capable of when synchronized. It was also the only scene when they actually had semi-interesting costumes, which helped a lot. So while there is much to appreciate about the dance scenes, none of them were necessarily awe inspiring.

• Team America versus the Russians
• Chris Brown as "Rooster"
• Training Montage

As a nice supplement, here's some behind the scenes showing how hard the dancers trained. And here's some clips from the real Battle of the Year competition, this is from a Japanese preliminary battle.

4. How's the love story? (0)
There is no love story. Caity Lotz of Mad Men fame is brought in about halfway through to be the team's choreographer and she makes it clear that she's into men, and not boys. I thought for sure her and Holloway would hook up but aside from a dinner in a semi-romantic setting, they didn't exchange anything more than coaching stuff. We liked that, even if we feel like the Battle of the Year missed out on giving Lotz a bigger role. I mean, look at her resume. Dancer, model, actress, girl band member. Plus she's from my hometown, San Diego.

Apparently Lotz started off her career dancing for Avril Lavigne, Lady Gaga, has been in numerous music videos, and also danced in Legion of Extraordinary Dancers episodes. I was impressed with the short clips when she danced with the guys, and thought she was really good. It's a shame the director didn't actually let her dance. Here's some footage of Lotz b-girling, she's super legit!

5. Rate the sidekicks (2)
Again, a category that hurts this movie, as practically everyone is a sidekick. There are no main characters, ones who dance anyway. So let's turn our attention to the assistant coach / dance groupie played by Josh Peck. He's "Frankyn with a Y" and he plays his role like he's a creeper. It's strange, maybe it's Peck's voice, but his soft spokenness and odd constant gazing at Holloway made it seem like he was about to turn into a horror film killer or something. Usually the sidekick role in a dance movie is for comic relief but Franklyn was anything but. His main job was to serve as the script's exposition, as seen in this scene. He basically gets to tell Josh Holloway -- and the audience -- about b-boying and the Battle of the Year competition. Plus he gets off this classic exchange.

Holloway: "You a b-boy?"
Peck: "Nah, I wish. My people weren't exactly chosen when it came to breakdancing."
Holloway: "What do you mean 'your people?'"
Peck: "Jews. We're rhythmically challeged, we're stripped of our swag at the circumcision."

Wait, what? Anyway, he's the main sidekick here, and I'm giving him a few points for being so different than other movie sidekicks. Why go for laughs when you can creep the audience out? Apparently Josh Peck has over two million followers on Vine, and was a big star from Nickelodeon's Drake & Josh show. Irrelevant to this review but that partly solves the mystery of why he was cast.

6. Best line (2)
I mean, if "we're stripped of our swag at the circumcision" doesn't qualify, then I guess the best line in the movie goes to a variety of the eyeball rolling nuggets that come rolling out of people's tongues. Coach Holloway is prone to dropping aphorisms like "the enemy of my enemy is my friend." My favorite one though, the one that the Dream Team repeats as a mantra is "act like champions, be champions." It's not quite as good as "clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose" but it's right up there.

Alright, who am I kidding. "Act like champions, be champions" is horrible! In the context of this movie though, it's basically a gem. A distant second is Franklyn saying "I might be Jewish, but my religion is hip hop."

7. Music (6)
Here's a chance for Battle of the Year to pick up some points. I mean, there's no restriction on a sports movie having bad music right? Well, strangely, the soundtrack -- apparently done by DJ Nu-Mark of the Beat Junkies -- was just so-so. There seems like there's a lot of incredible selections but not many of them stood out. Basically I felt like all of the great songs were stuck at the end, during the Dream Team's closing sequence. The one exception was the Root's "Boom!" which was used very effectively during a training montage. I'll give some points for Chubb Rock, Eric B. & Rakim, and some great artists on the track list, but mostly the music wasn't like "OMG, I have to download this right away!"

8. Fashion (2)
Again, flagging. For the real Battle of the Year, the teams have some awesome outfits. While I'm not looking for Street Dance level clothing, where each group had a unique look, it would have been nice to give us some visual highlights and differentiation between the groups. In Planet B-Boy, individual performers gave us diverse costumes such as the one shoulder monk outfit. Or the super popular "I'm b-boying in toilet paper" look. I wish the movie had let the dancers express some of their individuality. Instead it was just Puma track suits and Levi's jean jackets.

In fact, let's talk about the product placement in this movie. So much of it! From electronics, clothing and shoes, to Braun prominently sponsoring the competition, it was obvious that brand placement was a huge part of financing for the movie. I'm all for getting whatever you can to help you make your film but when the characters remark on the awesomeness of the new Sony gadget, that's taking it too far. Boo on overtly obvious product placement.

9. Cultural Impact (0)
This movie is going to come and go real fast -- that's why I rushed into theaters to watch it. Hoping to ride the wave of (relatively) high grossing dance movies, we can safely say that the negative reviews will tank Battle of the Year. So far it's made barely over eight million dollars -- against a twenty million budget -- and will come in far behind the various Step Ups. Let me show you the grosses for the Step Ups:

• Step Up (2006): Made $65m, cost $12m
• Step Up 2 (2008): Made $58m, cost unknown
• Step Up 3D (2010): Made $42m, cost $30m
• Step Up Revolution (2012): Made $35m, cost $33m

See that trend? The craptastic dance movie could be in jeopardy! They are costing more and paying out less, and studios will soon shut them down. Heck, the whole reason Hollywood is willing to churn these things out is because of the revenue to cost ratio. This is a call to arms my friends. Everyone needs to go watch the next big dance movie, to get one over fifty million again, otherwise it's all over. We'll be relegated to cable movies and whatever MTV can give us. (Turn the Beat Around is still on my DVR actually, I'll have to get back to it.) Then again, MTV could be off on dance stuff too. I mean, MTV cancelled ABDC after seven seasons. And there's not another Dancelife on the horizon that I know of.

Just for fun, let's look at some of the other numbers from dance movies from the past:

• Center Stage (2000): Made $17m, cost $29m
• Save the Last Dance (2001): Made $91m, cost unknown
• Honey (2003): Made $30m, cost $18m
• You Got Served (2004): Made $40m, cost $8m
• Stomp the Yard (2007): Made $61m, cost $13m
• Fame (2009): Made $22m, cost $18m
• Dance Flick (2009): Made $25.5m, cost $25m
• Footloose (2011): Made $52m, cost $24m
• Battlefield America (2012): Made $0.17m, cost unknown

It's all positive except for Center Stage, which happens to be the best dance movie I've rated so far. It's probably because it's not quite a craptastic dance movie but more of an actual decent movie about ballet. Also, note that Battlefield America, the second effort from You Got Served director Christopher Stokes, totally tanked. For reference, director Lee's Planet B-Boy grossed $273k on a budget of who knows what, but we're guessing it at least made even money. Too bad he may never make a movie again.

10. Miscellaneous (5)
Here's where this movie won some bonus points with me. First, the constant references to basketball was kind of funny. Holloway's character was an ex-basketball coach so it's only right that he brings up Magic Johnson, Kobe, Shaq, and even named his team The Dream Team because that's what USA Basketball did in 1992 after getting their butts kicked by international teams. They stopped sending amateurs to the Olympics and instead sent in NBA All-Stars to reclaim the throne. That would make Chris Brown Michael Jordan? Ugh, puke. Anyway, the basketball stuff was fun for me, as Holloway was cast as a Phil Jackson-esque coaching guru, capable of making a team out of individuals. For example, the strategy behind his b-boy team construction was to look for individuals who could push each other to greatness, not necessarily just the most talented dancers. Preach on Holloway/Zen Master!

I also really enjoyed the idea that this was almost a reality style elimination for the dancers. Twenty two dancers were brought to the dance camp and then only thirteen made it. An active NBA roster is twelve people, coincidence? Actually, I was frankly shocked there wasn't a basketball scene, much like in You Got Served. We all know Chris Brown loves to hoop, so what was going on? Maybe it was because almost everyone else on the cast was super short so it would have been unbelievable to see them having a game of basketball.

Also, I was tickled that Sway was brought in as one of the announcers. We haven't seen Sway in how long? For awhile the former radio host was ubiquitous on MTV but he's been gone for a minute. Now he's back in the movies! Bonus points for giving Sway a paycheck.

FINAL VERDICT (39/100)
I have to admire Benson Lee's gumption in using his previous film all over this one. Not only does Franklyn say out loud that Planet B-Boy is the Bible for modern day b-boys, he also uses extensive footage from the film. If you look at Battle of the Year as an after the fact commercial for Planet B-Boy, it's very effective. It's not often I pass judgement on the dance movies I review, because the genre clearly offers something for everyone, but in this special case I say that you should rent Planet B-Boy and get the documentary experience. It's full of actual drama, great dancing, and you really find yourself cheering for the competitors.

There's also no jingoistic rhetoric against other nations. The trailer had me a bit worried about all the "down with Koreans" talk but that was thankfully dialed back in the actual movie. I was a little afraid Lee had sold out his peoples. Why he felt the need to dramatize this story and make an inferior fictionalized version of his classic is beyond me though. I hope he got paid big bucks to become a Hollywood director. Here's a few Planet B-Boy clips to whet your appetite.

• Planet B-Boy trailer (2007)
• Korea clip | Japan clip | France clip
• Planet B-Boy Finals: Ichigeki versus Last For One

In the end, Battle of the Year suffered from an ill fit into my scoring matrix. Still, it got a strong showing from using plenty of actual dancers, and it gets some respect for attempting to meld sports and dance movie cliches. Even though it's the lowest rated movie on our list so far, it's still within shouting distance of Step Up Revolution's forty-four points, so that's something. If you're seriously into breaking, this might be a must-see, but otherwise I'd suggest a pass. Plus, don't support Chris Brown, ever!

Crap, am I a hypocrite?