212s & Heartbeats

Listening to: Theophilus London, "Why Even Try." This track features Sara of Tegan and Sara fame. We're watching Theophilus in concert tonight, after he tapes an appearance on Letterman. I didn't really know anything about him before agreeing to go to the concert; except that his first name is impossible to remember.

From what I can tell, that may soon not be a problem for him because he's got Pharrell/Kanye-lite potential. Apparently London used to be a music journalist, released a mixtape in 2009, and is "the most-connected man in alt-pop." His EP just came out last week, it's called Lovers Holiday.

After the concert, assuming it goes amazing, I could maybe say that I'm finally ahead of the curve on a music act. I mean, Mr. London doesn't even have a Wikipedia yet. I'm gonna be so in the know!

Update: We missed everything but the encore due to bad timing. From what I could tell, Theophilus is better through speakers than live. His Letterman performance confirmed it. Also Theo's dance is a double shuffle with one arm pointed out. You can't call that "my dance", it's just basic aerobics. I still have his tracks on repeat though.

I have the birthdate of an ex-girlfriend tattooed on my left arm. People shake their heads when I tell them what the numbers mean. The cardinal rule of getting tattoos is to never get a significant other's name, etc. embedded on your body. In retrospect, it probably wasn't the wisest move, as that girlfriend and I broke up about a year later. Was I so deep into the relationship that I thought this would last forever when I got it? Not really. We had been only dating for six months or so. But it felt right and I've never regretted it.

When I decided to get the tattoo, I didn't exactly consult her. I basically said, "Hey, I'm getting a tattoo of your birthday." She asked once if I was sure before I announced that I was doing it pretty much either way. In theory it could have been seen as a gesture. A sign that we were clearly going places because of my willingness to etch something in permanent ink. But because I gave her no say, discounting her potential positive or negative opinion, it probably wasn't a gesture on any level. Especially a romantic one.

I called her about an hour before I went into the shop and she arrived as I was paying and thanking my artist. The whole thing took about twenty minutes from smooth start to itchy finish. A few days later, the wound started oozing little droplets from infection.

Having now been in New York for three months -- right around the time when I usually get antsy -- I'm still digging it. The weather has curtailed a few activities but for the most part I'm just as enamored with the city as before. I don't see an end in sight, which is a good thing. I'm still exploring and excited about everything.

A few weeks ago I met a guy who's been more transient than I am. He's been traveling the country, and a bit of the world, with just a rucksack and a guitar. We traded notes on packing light, the constant ebb and flow of friendly faces, and what internal signs usually mark the beginning of our exits. One conversation we didn't have is what we're looking for in a particular place. I think it's because we both understand that you don't find what you're looking for in a physical location. After all, situations change, places change, and people definitely change. What's that axiom? You can't return whence you came?

Actually I butchered that. Google tells me James Baldwin said, "Know from whence you came. If you know whence you came, there are absolutely no limitations to where you can go." That's fitting since I'm headed back to where I came, just for a little bit. Then I'll be back. So let's end with another Baldwin quote: "Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within."

No, I have no idea what that means either.

Starting tonight, Watson, a super computer, will be facing off with past Jeopardy champions in a much hyped battle. When I first heard about it, I thought it was a ridiculous ratings grab. Of course Watson would win with its unbeatable reflexes and limitless electronic brain. Where's the suspense? Then I read this article, "Why IBM's Jeopardy-Playing Computer Is So Important," about how the programming challenge was to make the computer figure out what it was looking for amid Jeopardy's "nuance, puns, double entrendres and complex language designed to mislead human contestants." Great point. So I guess the lesson here is that it doesn't matter how intelligent you are if you don't know what you're looking for.

Here is a fan maintained database that has been archiving Jeopardy questions for quite some time. Take a look because it's insanely comprehensive. Can somebody please make this an app already?

The Obvious Knife

Currently pushing: The Bechdel Test. I thought I was late to the party on this one but I found out about it a few months ago and have been asking around to see who else knew it. Very few people in my circle apparently. So here it is: The Bechdel Rule states that a film must follow these three rules: (1) It includes at least two women (2) who at some point talk to each other (3) about something other than a man.

Alison Bechdel, the creator of the rule, said this during an io9 interview from 2008, "For me, the Rule is kind of like feminism in a bottle -- applied theory, quick and easy. I think whatever name one gives it, the rule should be applied to everything everywhere, including real life." Here's the comic in which the rule originally appeared, written in 1985.

Holy crap, I somehow missed my ten year blogoversary. I started blogging in October of 2000 and whiffed on the big date last year by four months. That must mean something. There was no party or confetti like I thought there would be. Maybe I can plan something with pizza and laptops. But that might infringe on my dream bachelor party scenario. Well, either way, happy tenth blogging anniversary to me!

I started my first blog while interning at A.Magazine, which is now defunct and a distant memory. It was my first job out of college and many of my posts described office life. Like the time Curtis from Big Brother Season 1 used my desk to participate in an online chat. That was a brush with famousness. Throughout the decade, my blog has basically been my best friend. Or at least the friend I've been most dedicated to. I mean, I have thrown hundreds of thousands of words at it, it's always been there for me, and it's led directly to my writing career. What else can I ask for? "His best friend was his blog," would actually make for a pretty pathetic epitaph actually. I better work on fixing that.

Sometimes people ask me what's the point of having such a long running blog. Well, just the other day a friend told me about how her family still has her (great?) grandmother's diaries. By reading them, my friend found out about stuff like their shared love of films and how her grandmother would trek into town to see the latest movies. That's pretty rad right? One day my great nephews/nieces or something will find out that we share the same passion for Wizard of Oz. Except the version they're familiar with would have starred CGI versions of Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears. Or I guess Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus?

My old answer to any problem in life used to be "start a blog." I think that still holds true.

I keep reading about the death of blogging and even if the naysayers are correct, I refuse to believe it. Okay, fine, almost everyone I used to follow has stopped blogging. And among my friends, maybe ten percent remain committed bloggers from our heyday ten years ago. Now it's all about Facebook and Twitter or nothing at all. People are over the novelty of sharing, and blogging is now a thing that sucks away time and energy. I can't even say I'm sad because these days I'm just happy when anyone posts. The other day my friend mentioned that he might resurrect his blog -- defunct since 2006 -- and I wanted to reach across the country and give him a hug.

Lately I've been recommending that people start Tumblrs versus blogs. It's theoretically the same thing of course but the ease of use of Tumblr, and the simple way to follow and "like" things wins out for the casual user. Actually Tumblr isn't even for the casual user anymore as major magazines, professionals of all types, and celebrities are all Tumblr-ing away. I mean, check out Dianna Argon's Tumblr, which is all sorts of normal looking except for the Glee people and movie star stuff on it. Tumblr is the new coolness. But something will come along to take that away from Tumblr and Blogger will still remain. My loyalty for Blogger is pretty deep, and really, shouldn't Google be hiring me to say this over and over? Oh wait, I already do this, for free.

"This saturation of opinion dripped into the personal blogging sphere as well, with Tumblr, Facebook and Twitter becoming the preferred mode for oversharing, the sharing sort of being the point, and aggregation.

To establish the very basics, the personal blog took the form of a passive Web site that offered a glimpse into one's inner life to anyone interested, whereas these networks broadcast these thoughts to friends, who would presumably be best suited to receive them, and who in turn used these networks over the others, without having to trudge through, say, Wordpress."
-The End of Blogging-

The Smartest Suckas in the Room

Listening to: The Radio Dept, "Heaven's On Fire" and "David." Their music is categorized as dream pop, twee pop, and shoegaze. "Musicians in these bands stood relatively still during live performances in a detached, introspective, non-confrontational state, hence the idea that they were gazing at their shoes."

After some back and forth and more last minute decision making, I ended up going to a concert last night. My rules for concerts had been pretty strict but I knew the band, the venue was right down the street, and my friend was willing to go. After buying some walk up tickets and skipping the opening act for some mussels and fries nearby, we went inside and I found out the answer to the question that had been haunting me hours before: "Is Radio Dept gonna be good live?"

The answer is a resounding "Yes!"

Sometimes with these indie pop bands their music can be too mellow and everyone just stands around pretending they are into it but really falling asleep. Radio Dept's music didn't strike me as terribly dancey while listening at home but on stage, just about every song was terrific, melodic, and upbeat. I could have danced if there was any room. Their set was awfully short and they left in melodramatic fashion -- exiting the stage one by one -- without an encore. In theory I applaud their unwillingness to bend to the tyranny of the traditional encore but in reality I wasn't emotionally ready for them to stop playing.

A short while afterward, my friend's friends were familiar with the band and they were all standing outside sharing cigarettes. The guy who knew them had literally travelled all over the world to watch Radio Dept in concert. He referenced a show in Barcelona they had done two years ago, and pointed out some songs they had never played live before. He was obsessively knowledgeable. It was great. I like people like that. For example, a week or so ago, I was eating with some chefs and I got a lot of very specific food knowledge -- a lot on oysters -- and I felt satiated both physically and mentally.

So please, if you know about something to an almost embarrassing degree, feel free to show off around me! I'm totally open to it. I'll even throw in a pat on the back and some unprovoked "Wow's."

There's a pretty big gap between obsession and fandom. I'm a fan of many things, but probably not actually obsessed with anything. Well that may not be true. But I wouldn't say I was a leading expert in anything. I tend to settle for upper-ish mediocrity though, so that's okay. I guess a better question would be what things would be most considered obsessions in your life? And if you don't have any, why not? (Wait I just possibly nerfed myself.)

Comedian Patton Oswald has a book out, Zombie Spaceship Wasteland, in which he offers up the theory that "creative teens gravitate toward three subjects for their early stories: zombies, spaceships, or wastelands." There's also a recent Wired article by him about geek culture. Some of the article is nonsensical and silly but I liked what he had to say about how geekery has invaded the public at large.

"In Japan, the word otaku refers to people who have obsessive, minute interests -- especially stuff like anime or videogames. It comes from a term for 'someone else’s house' -- otaku live in their own, enclosed worlds. Or, at least, their lives follow patterns that are well outside the norm.
...
[Nowadays] everyone considers themselves otaku about something -- whether it’s the mythology of Lost or the minor intrigues of Top Chef. American Idol inspires -- if not in depth, at least in length and passion -- the same number of conversations as does The Wire. There are no more hidden thought-palaces -- they’re easily accessed websites, or Facebook pages with thousands of fans."
-Wake Up, Geek Culture. Time to Die-

Shiny Happy People

Listening to: Phil Collins, "Against All Odds." As a friend duty, I'm compiling a list of my friend's top five karaoke songs. I figure it's a service that will pay off in the near future since we karaoke weekly. During these karaoke sessions I'm introduced to many songs that were once popular but I completely missed out on. So now I associate these songs with my friends, instead of the original artist. I usually prefer my friends' versions. Get thee to a studio, friends, so I can listen to you on shuffle and one track repeat.

During a dinner conversation last week, I commented to someone that he's always got friendship rivalries going on. I noted that there's usually some pair of friends in his life that are either subtly or overtly trying to secure or win a higher place on his friend totem. This got me thinking about how to create your own friend rivalry. But before we get into that, let's talk a few basic types of friend rivalries.

(1) First, there's the equitable friend rivalry. Two really great friends, two equally valuable people who might even play similar roles in your life. The more the merrier you'd think, but for some reason, these two people just can't get along. You've tried to bring them together and to plan some trio brunches but at the end of the day, "any friend of yours is a friend of mine" just gets proved false once again. The niche these two occupy in the context of your life is too small for them to ever get along. Or they're just way too opposite because they survive in independent friend ecosystems. This type of rivalry is usually subtle as neither party wants to smear their own reputation by bad mouthing the other VIP in your life. There's some real intensity here but also some great respect.
NBA Parallel: Larry Bird versus Magic Johnson.

(2) Then there's the one sided rivalry, where a friend thinks h/she's in competition with another friend but in reality, they are so far behind their target that they're never actually in BFF contention. Keep in mind, friend rivalries don't apply just to best friends, it can be for anything. The plus one for a wedding, the extra ticket to that play you scored from work, or the top spot in your phone's favorites list. Feel free to consult the Friend Hierarchy for positions that could be rivalried about. In the one sided rivalry, one person is definitely waging a campaign to take down the other -- friend war is declared and openly discussed. The unassailable friend barely cares about this matchup though because they know they'll win. Think of a sports team who is 30-2 all time versus another team but the media keeps playing it up as a rivalry and often fails. Remember, proximity does not necessarily equal rivalry.
NBA Parallel: Los Angeles Lakers versus Los Angeles Clippers.

(3) The historical rivalry. This isn't what it sounds like. While there could be a lot of actual history for this rivalry, I'm talking more about when one person competes against the ghost of another friend. "Did you ever tell ____ this? Am I the first person to have ever done ____ with you?!" This kind of rivalry is more common than you might think; and awfully common in relationships. There's nothing tangible placing these two figures in competition but one party is so obsessed with what the other one has done in the past, the heights that have been achieved before them, that they are determined to match and exceed it. The hidden tragedy is that they are competing with the past and will have to overachieve by a wide margin in order to combat the halcyon memories of yesteryear.

As the person at the fulcrum of this type of rivalry, it's very easy to milk this for good or for evil. "You know, Brent used to always make sure he got my coffee order right, and he even went back the one time they messed it up. I really liked that about him." I'm guilty of this one quite a bit, as all it takes is a little historical competition for me to be motivated to be a better friend. I'm always gunning for that almost top spot as you should know.
NBA Parallel: Kobe Bryant versus Michael Jordan.

(4) Another very common rivalry is the new kid on the block type. Sometimes when you gush over a new person, the old friend starts to feel a little slighted. "Wait," he thinks, "we used to do that. He used to talk about me that way." This creates anxiety in the old friend as they see the potential threat of this new friend. Don't be surprised if oldie inexplicably turn their noses up at your new friendship or says things like "Whatever, you'll be over that in a few weeks. Let's see how long this lasts."

When you introduce them to each other, the new friend will be super nice and say "I heard so much about you!" while the old friend will likely dismiss them to take a fake phone call. Oftentimes this type of rivalry is mostly hype and only time can tell if it actually evolves into something real. The newbie has to achieve some success that actually bruises the oldie's friend ego before this can properly be called a rivalry.
NBA Parallel: Miami Heat versus Boston Celtics.

(5) Last, there's the hate rivalry. These two friends detest each other. Given the chance, they'd tear each other apart and you have to do your damnedest to not to even mention them to each other. Usually this comes about because the two of them had some sort of falling out and both sides can't believe that you're still friends with the other one. The hate rivalry goes a little overboard and you wish they would just get along so you don't have to panic about having them in the same room at your thirty third birthday or second wedding or something. This type of friend rivalry is not only dangerous all around but also the best for bystanders and media types (aka your other friends).
NBA Parallel: Los Angeles Lakers versus Boston Celtics.

Okay this got way too long so I'm going to save the "How to Create and Maintain a Friend Rivalry 101" for a later post. Maybe I'll bring in a guest writer, my friend who I made this rivalry observation about. A true expert in the field. That would be exciting right?

Actually I'm pretty sure I missed a few broad friend rivalry categories, but there could probably be an infinite number. I will define them all in due time. It's good to make life goals.

You're a good man, Jackie Brown

Listening to: Au Revoir Simone, "Hurricanes." Hailing from Williamsburg, meaning they are theoretically within a few blocks of me, Au Revoir Simone is a band composed of three ladies who all play the keyboard. Yes, an all keyboard band! Their name is a reference to Pee-Wee's Big Adventure but I so didn't get it. Probably because I've never seen P-WBA. That's probably an acronym that's never used right? My favorite part of the song kicks in at around 2:12 minutes. "This message is for all the people / The people who are always waiting."

A bonus song with the word "hurricane" in the title. "Hurricane Black," off the Mos Dub album, which remixes the lyrics of Dante Smith with reggae beats. This track with Common is smooooooth.

And this post is going to be about friendship, or more accurately, the lack thereof. For the past week or two I've been revisiting this article about Sinedu Tadesse, a Harvard undergrad who went into the infamy books for killing her roommate, and then herself, in May of 1995. Tadesse's story is haunting for what it reveals about a troubled young woman but also because her desperate attempts to reach out beyond a solitary existence is something many people can relate to on some level. The specific thing I've been going over and over is a letter Tadesse wrote after her freshman year. Read it if you're curious. She sent this letter to strangers, pleading with them for simple contact and I guess, an escape from alienation.

I tend to take friends for granted, or the simple fact of having friends. Or just a friend. When they say that having one true friend can make all the difference in the world, they ain't kidding. Not having people who care about you around, well, it sucks right? Especially in New York and other urban spaces, which can be full of people but all the lonelier for it. Or maybe urban loneliness is a myth?

It's rarely occured to me that I'd be friendless or ever alone in the world. Flippantly, but also semi-seriously, I always cite the fact that I have a twin as the reason why I've never encountered absolute loneliness. Even if George and I aren't two exact peas in a pod, at least we've shared the majority of our experiences together right?

Along these thought lines, a book that I'm looking forward to reading is Emily White's "Lonely: Learning to Live with Solitude," which is her memoir about being chronically lonely. I apologize to Emily White for putting her book in the same post with Tadesse, but they seemed related to me.

The other day, while digging around about White's book online, I came across this blog: MWF Seeking BFF. The blog's author, Rachel, moved to Chicago a couple of years ago but couldn't find anyone "to invite over to watch The Biggest Loser or to text 'pedicure in half an hour?' on a Saturday morning. To me [her], that’s what BFFs are. Not just people who know your innermost secrets, but the ones up for grabbing a bite on a whim because they love being with you just that much, and getting together feels easy and natural rather than a chore you need to pencil in."

Rachel's blog is great because she details her hunt for that elusive best friend, even if it's embarrassing or disappointing. Plus she consistently shares really interesting articles about friendship, such as this one from Ta-Nehisi Coates, about Gender and Support Systems. She's inspired me to write more about my personal exploration of friendships, and how they rise and fall, evolve, collapse, and sometimes reform. I mean, friendship is a subject I love thinking and talking about, and books like Joseph Epstein's "Friendship: An Expose," are must reads as far as I'm concerned.

• Lonely website | Blog
• About Emily White
• Elle review of Lonely

Sometimes the snow comes down in June

I know the weather outside is snowy, windy, and dreadful right now but... Oh wait, you mean you didn't decide to move from San Diego to New York in the middle of winter? Well then, lucky you. However, if it's true that there can be no light without dark, then I will suffer the next few months and wait patiently for Manhattan summer nights to appear. The good news is that this upcoming summer will be particularly exciting because I'm going on tour! (Okay, one stop on a tour, but close enough)

Malinda Lo and Cindy Pon, my fellow 2009 Debs and wonderful people both, just launched Diversity in YA Fiction, a website to celebrate the diverse stories in young adult fiction. They also organized an accompanying tour for May 2011 that will bring quite the lineup of authors to San Francisco, Austin, Boston, New York, and San Diego.

Anyone within a five hundred mile radius of these fine cities should come through, as America is best experienced through a luxurious car ride and what's better than YA authors at the end of your journey? Maybe the Diversity in YA crew will cross paths with the recently reunited O-Town, who will surely be hitting the road again after recording their mostlyy unanticipated comeback album. Seriously, can anyone name two members of O-Town? Impress me.

"DIYA is a positive, friendly gathering of readers and writers who want to see diversity in their fiction. We come from all walks of life and backgrounds, and we hope that you do, too. We encourage an attitude of openness and curiosity, and we welcome questions and discussion. Most of all, we can’t wait to have fun sharing some great books with you!"
-About Diversity in YA-

There's already lots going on over at the DIYA site as Malinda and Cindy have put up posts about the books they saw at ALA Midwinter and new January releases that fit under the diversity umbrella. Go check out the site and join the mailing list while you're at it. Personally, I can't get over how lovely the DIYA logo is; that tree is all sorts of mesmerizing.

• Diversity in YA website
• Malinda's introduction to DIYA
• Cindy's introduction to DIYA
• Cynthia Leitich Smith's post about DIYA
• Avoiding LGBTQ Stereotypes in YA Fiction (Malinda)
• Writing Across Cultural Lines with Verve and Sensitivity (Cindy)

Also, allow me share a recent interview that I was lucky enough to do with Teen Writers Bloc, a group blog by the New School Writing for Children MFA Class of 2012. In the intro they called me "a rooster in the hen house," and I think that's a good thing. Also, find out how I'm so attuned to female sensibilities and thought processes. Don't laugh. I'm attuned okay?

I'm super jealous of everyone in this program because I'd love to have some structured lessons for my writing and reading. And from what I hear, they get some drool worthy instructors and workshops. Maybe I can just crash some of classes because that would just be the coolest. Of course since it's an exclusive and intense program, they would probably notice if some random person just showed up, even if I lurked quietly in the back of the room.

Here is the TWB about page, where they have everyone's bio. See for yourself how accomplished everyone is already, and imagine how they're growing more accomplished by the day! I'm already prepping to attend the Teen Writers Bloc group tour in the near future. You should prepare too. Like buy confetti and reserve the extra-swanky red carpets. Currently on the blog they're going through some New Year's Writing Resolutions and have some great posts and interesting discussions going on. The bloc will become a must-read for you very quickly. Many thanks for interviewing me Sona and Dhonielle!

• Half-Brown or Half-Yellow, Will it Sell?
• Vernacular in Young Adult Fiction
• New York City MFA Students: We’re Not All Idiots
• Raising Boys Who Read
• Sweet Valley Feminism
• Celebrity YA Novels: An Inspiration?