10 September 2010

I'm a Simple Guy

Listening to: Starfucker, "Girls Just Want to Have Fun." This is a remix by the way, in case you didn't know. I just wanted that to be clear.

You know about OK Cupid right? For years I've been making people take the Dating Persona Test. Go ahead, take it and tell me which one you are. But we're not actually here to discuss that. Instead, let's talk about OK Cupid's blog, OkTrends, which presents dating research pulled from the dating profiles on the site. In the past they've posted about what cameras and phones tend to make you more attractive (or have more sex), they've delved into the lies people tell online dating, and unearthed the optimum message length. In short, you should subscribe to this blog immediately. Well the other day OkTrends did a post on what phrases tend to come up in people's profiles, organized by ethnicity.

I laughed as I read about what white guys liked and nodded along with familiarity. White guys do like Nascar, skiing, and The Big Lebowski. Haha. And of course black girls like Trey Songz and Law & Order. And I suppose Latino men are all amigos and prefer an XBox over a PS3. And of course I've seen many an Asian girl describe herself as "a simple girl" and a foodie. The OkTrends post also has some trending racial stereotypes. My favorite is (paraphrased): "Asian women show off their practicality in the cosmetics department by mentioning lip balm." This was all so true and so funny. I prepared to hit the forward button to all my friends. But then I saw the Asian guys' list...

For weeks/years I thought I thought my profile would shine like Polaris amidst a dark swath of undateables. Surely I must be so cool and interesting that I stood out from all those other Asian men flocking to online dating sites right? As it turns out, I'm just one of many minor constellations, made up of wholly average stars and trite characteristics.

Looking over Stuff Asian Guys Like, I pretty much hit three-fourths of them. Right off the top, I'm from Taiwan. I enjoy pho, noodles, and sashimi. I speak Mandarin and my favorite sport is basketball. I have an alternate Facebook account named after a character from The Rock. I absolutely love Calvin and Hobbes. Yes, I once played tennis in high school. Some of my favorite books and movies include Swingers, Gladiator, and L.A. Confidential. My sister is an accountant. I am pursuing my something in nothing. I have spent the past month addicted to a computer game. I am *sob* into gadgets and usually prefer computers and the Internet to people.

So there it was, not only am I undateable -- my OK Cupid dating persona is "Last Man on Earth," and it hasn't changed since I first took it -- I'm totally and disappointingly a cliche. The only thing I could possibly refute is that I'm neither an engineer nor have much interest in investing. And that goes for physical or emotional things, however my fellow Asian brothers meant it. Other than that I'd say I'm pretty much interchangeable with any average single Asian guy across the way. When they say "there's plenty of fish in the sea," this is what they meant.

The light at the end of the tunnel is that I've been inspired to change my profile to match these keywords on the off chance that someone realizes their ideal person is this exact description. I want to be 100% ready to be their special someone when the time comes. Love is in the air people, love is in the air.

If you scroll down to the very bottom of the study, there's a chart correlating religion and writing proficency level. That's all I'll say about that.